i can never get out of the past/私は過去から抜け出すことはできない

Today i woke early as usual.having a breakfast and went to school.when i arrive at school,i immediately went to my class.at my class hallway i met zainab,my friend.she greet me and like usual i greet her back.she said that i also need to greet my indonesian friend that came to visit to my class.suddenly a weird feeling struck me.i was shaking a bit.
the memories of last year suddenly hunt my mind.i was afraid to meet them.i enter my class with shaking.i went to sat on my seat.they didn't even bother looking at me or greet me.i know this would happen.because of  last year bad event that hunt me i could never talk to them normally anymore.so i just sat quitely on my seat.at that time i feel like many sharp thing went through my heart.it hurts a lot.every time i see them at that time i felt pain sensation in my heart.for me friend is everything.i always being selfish.not wanting my self to get hurt,i hurt people first.probably they think i am arrogant and selfish.i don't mean to ignore it just that i feel that i don't belong to be with them.maybe just maybe it ok to watch them from far away.i was thinking on apologize to them for what i did before i move school next term.i can't take it anymore.my heart keep on being hurt if enter that school.i hope they forgive me.